Rethinking Anxiety: A New Way to Meet an Old Response
Anxiety, or, as I like to frame it, the anxious experience, is something most of us know all too well. After all, we’re human beings, hard-wired to feel anxious at times for various reasons.
It's helpful for me to frame anxiety as the anxious experience because doing so helps me remember that, just like any experience, the anxious one is a temporary state, not a fixed part of my being. You’ll notice that, throughout this article, I’ll sometimes refer to anxiety as the anxious experience in an attempt to drive this point home. At other times, good ‘ol “anxiety” will work just fine.
This article aims to challenge the way we perceive our relationship with anxiety. Rather than treating the experience as something to rid ourselves of, I hope to show that it’s a natural, even necessary, part of being human that is not easily escaped (as many can attest). As such, lasting relief can only come if we can stop trying to control our anxiety, and if we change what we do when anxiety creeps in.
To make this case, we’ll explore three key areas:
1. The way anxiety shows up in the body and the system behind it
2. The purpose of anxiety and why it developed in the first place
3. How we might begin to relate to it in a way that leads to less struggle and more freedom
How Anxiety Works in the Body: The Full-Body Response
The experience of anxiety is not just in our head with swirling thoughts and worries. It’s a full-body reaction tied to a survival system that’s been with us for millions of years. When the brain senses a threat, it triggers a chain reaction to get us ready for action. The heart starts beating faster and harder to pump blood to our arms and legs for quick movement. Muscles tighten to prepare for fight or flight. Blood is pulled away from areas like the skin and extremities, which is why hands and feet may feel cold or tingly. Breathing shifts to quick and shallow chest breaths to send oxygen to our muscles. Our pupils widen to improve vision and help spot danger. Sweat starts to cool us down and makes us harder to grip in a struggle. Our digestive system comes to a halt, which is why we often feel nausea, dry mouth, or stomach issues when we’re anxious. None of this is random. It’s our body trying to keep us safe when it thinks we’re in danger.
Why Anxiety Exists and Its Purpose: A Survival System in Overdrive
The sensations that come along with our body’s fear response can feel awful, but they’re not pointless. When danger is near, our body’s only focus is survival; thus, comfort is not prioritized. This system made a lot of sense when our ancestors faced an uncertain and dangerous world. Back then, almost any engagement with the world could be hazardous. In the children’s prehistoric animated movie, The Croods, Nicolas Cage’s character humorously illustrates the anxieties of navigating such a dangerous world. In an attempt to dissuade his family from doing pretty much anything other than spending their lives in a dark cave, he often told the story of Crispy Bear, a curious protagonist:
“A long time ago, this little bear was alive because she listened to her father, so she was happy. But Crispy had one terrible problem—she was filled with curiosity. Yes, and one day, she saw something new and died.”
This exaggerated example illustrates how our ancestors had to overestimate danger. Today, that same wiring often overreacts to non-life-threatening situations. These days, we’re no longer running from predators (usually), but we still carry a nervous tension that comes from interacting with a stimulating world, now a modern place that seems to produce an endless wave of anxious experiences for us.
Today, most ‘threats’ are more nuanced, such as a paper that’s due, feeling obligated to work a job we don’t like, or waiting for a text message response from a romantic interest. Modern triggers like these and countless others activate our ancient survival response. Without an immediate danger to fight or flee from, we’re left wound up, uncomfortable, and unsure what to do with all that energy.
Worse, we’ve invented a new response beyond fight, flight, or freeze: we wrestle with the anxious experience itself. With no lion to run from and no snake in the bush to watch out for, we become stuck in a confusing loop that leaves us anxious about being anxious. We’re left battling our own thoughts and feelings, which can be very exhausting and confusing.
Yes, this system is our body’s attempt to protect us, but it’s often misfiring in today’s world. And since it’s evolved as a life-saving response that we can’t just switch off, the natural question that follows is likely: Well then, what the hell can we do about it? The answer might sound a little strange at first.
Changing Our Relationship with Anxiety
If anxiety is hardwired, uncomfortable, and often unavoidable, maybe the goal isn’t to eliminate the experience, but to relate to it differently. Let’s explore how humans throughout time have tackled this, and then try a few practical steps to shift how we handle anxious experiences.
Buddhism, founded in India around the 5th–6th century BCE by Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha), teaches that life is ‘suffering’ because of the usual way in which we live it. We trap ourselves in a cycle of struggle by attempting to cling to what feels good and desperately pushing away what feels bad, just like when we work so hard to eliminate our anxiety.
Buddhist teachings suggest that by accepting the reality of whatever arises—anxiety included—we can break this cycle of suffering. Thus, one must not struggle to find a better, problemless world to live in; rather, one must accept the world of problems and gain greater awareness of their own problematic patterns (of trying to eliminate anxiety) and attachments (to the idea that anxiety absolutely must not be present). And, only then, do we stand a chance of reaching the elusive 'Buddha' state.
Stoicism, born in Athens in the 3rd century BCE, takes a pretty bold approach. This philosophy asks us to go even further than accepting discomfort. Stoicism argues that we should actually practice leaning into it. For example, Stoics practiced premeditatio malorum (negative visualization), which involved imagining worst-case scenarios. Yes, really—think bad thoughts. Stoics believed that negative visualization was one of the many ways one would build emotional resilience to whatever life threw their way.
By chasing fear, Stoics believed that they could cultivate a type of emotional resilience to life’s tragedies through practice. As Roman Stoic Seneca said,
“What need is there to weep over parts of life? The whole of it calls for tears. Fortify yourself against them.”
Other traditions, such as Taoism’s concept of ‘wu wei,' the idea of flowing naturally with life’s rhythm, and Zen’s emphasis on simply being, as obviously stated by Zen master Linji Yixuan (9th century CE), “When hungry, eat. When tired, sleep", echo this: don’t fight what is.
Though separated by time and tradition, these perspectives agree: peace comes not from conquering discomfort, but from shifting our relationship to it.
Try This: A Simple Three-Step Practice
Instead of trying to fight off the thoughts and feelings you experience when you’re anxious, try meeting what you’re going through with curiosity and choice. Here’s a simple way to start:
Notice: When anxiety shows up, name it and remember why it happens: “I’m having the feeling of anxiety. It’s my body’s warning system doing its thing.” This creates a pause and reminds you that you’re not the feeling or thoughts of anxiety; rather, these thoughts and feelings are what you’re experiencing.
Pause: If the moment feels safe, ground yourself in the present. Notice the feel of your feet on the ground. See if you can identify at least three sounds around you. Then, look for a point of reference that catches your attention and to which you can bring your focus. This anchors you away from the spiraling thoughts of your inner experience and into the external world.
Choose: Once you’ve done the previous steps, try to ask yourself, “What matters to me right now?” If anxiety weren’t running the show, what would you want to be doing? Would you want to connect with someone, pursue an interest, or just sit and be? Whatever you might want to be doing, see if you can move in a direction that feels fulfilling in the moment, even if anxiety tags along.
These steps won’t erase anxiety, but they can open space for experiences you’ve been missing because of your anxiety. Over time and with practice, you’ll get better at engaging with life in the way you prefer despite your feelings of anxiety. You’ll find that this new way of experiencing anxiety may actually help you reduce anxiety overall (remember, though, this is just an added bonus since we know that we’re still human and can’t eliminate anxiety from our lives).
Wrapping Up
Anxiety isn’t a glitch—it’s part of being human, a survival system that sometimes misfires in our modern world. By understanding how it works and why it exists, we can stop fighting it unsuccessfully and start relating to it constructively in a different way. Referring to ancient wisdom and a few practical steps can help us meet anxiety with less struggle and more choice.
Reflect on this article and try this approach once. Just once. You might find that anxiety softens, not by force, but by attention.