Rethinking Anxiety: A New Way to Meet an Old Response
We all feel anxious at times. And while it can be an intensely uncomfortable emotional experience, it is not a personal failing. Rather, it’s a reflection of an ancient system designed to protect us. The trap many of us fall into is believing that our anxiety is unbearable and must be eradicated. Oftentimes, such a pursuit will only amplify our distress by locking us in a struggle with our thoughts and feelings.
This article invites you to explore a different way of navigating anxiety. A way that resets your expectations and allows you to find comfort in the present moment no matter the thoughts, feelings, or memories swirling through your mind.
Throughout this article, the term “anxious experience” is used to highlight the idea that anxiety is an emotional experience a person goes through, not something they are. This change in perspective is a first step in modifying how we think about anxiety when it creeps in. It can help us decide what things we’d like to pursue despite our unwanted emotional experience (more on that later).
In this article, we’ll explore three key areas:
The way anxiety shows up in the body and the system behind it
The purpose of anxiety and why it developed in the first place
How we might begin to relate to it in a way that leads to less struggle and more freedom
How Anxiety Works in the Body: The Full-Body Response
Anxiety isn’t just a whirlwind of worried thoughts (though that’s often a notable feature of it). Anxiety is a full-body reaction rooted in an ancient survival system. When our brain senses a threat, it sparks a chain of responses to prepare us for action. Our heart races, pumping blood to our arms and legs for quick movement. Our muscles tense to get us ready for fight or flight. Blood shifts away from our skin and extremities which can leave our hands and feet cold or tingly. Our breathing turns quick and shallow to flood our muscles with oxygen. Our pupils widen and sweat kicks in to sharpen our vision and cool us down. Our stomach might churn and our mouth might feel dry as our digestive system pauses. These reactions aren’t random. They’re our body’s way of keeping us safe and getting us ready for danger.
Why Anxiety Exists and Its Purpose: A Survival System in Overdrive
When danger is near, our body’s only focus is survival. Comfort is not prioritized. This system made a lot of sense when our ancestors faced an uncertain and dangerous world. Back then, almost any engagement with the world could be hazardous.
In the children’s prehistoric animated movie, The Croods, Nicolas Cage’s character humorously illustrates the anxieties of navigating such a dangerous world. In an attempt to dissuade his family from doing pretty much anything other than spending their lives in a dark cave, he often tells the story of Crispy Bear, a curious little protagonist:
“A long time ago, this little bear was alive because she listened to her father, so she was happy. But Crispy had one terrible problem—she was filled with curiosity. Yes, and one day, she saw something new and died.”
This exaggerated example illustrates how our ancestors had to overestimate danger to stay alive. Today, that same wiring often overreacts to non-life-threatening situations. Because these days, we’re no longer running from predators, yet many still carry a nervous tension that comes from interacting with a modern, stimulating world.
Today, most ‘threats’ are more nuanced, such as a paper that's due, a job we feel obligated to stay in, or waiting on a text from a romantic interest. Modern triggers like these activate our ancient survival response. But without an immediate danger to attend to, we're left wound up, uncomfortable, and tangled in thought and emotion. Worse, we've invented a new fear response that our ancestors did not have to contend with. We wrestle with the anxious experience itself, becoming stuck in a loop, anxious about being anxious and hoping that it wasn’t so. It's exhausting. Since this system evolved as a life-saving response and we can't just switch off, the natural question becomes: Well then, what the hell can we do about it? The answer might sound a little strange at first.
Changing Our Relationship with Anxiety
If anxiety is hardwired, uncomfortable, and often unavoidable, maybe the goal isn’t to eliminate the experience, but to relate to it differently. Let’s look briefly at how several philosophies have approached this idea, each offering timeless wisdom for navigating life’s challenges.
In Buddhism, Siddhartha Gautama achieved his status as “the one who became awakened,” also known as the Buddha, by seeing through the illusory of life as it was ordinarily experienced by most. He realized peace not by escaping suffering, but by developing a willingness to embrace life’s ups and downs. Similarly, if we can see anxiety as an inevitable part of living without embarking on the unsolvable pursuit to conquer it, we can reduce our struggle.
Stoicism, emerging centuries later in ancient Greece, offers a parallel insight. Rather than attempting to avoid discomfort, Stoics leaned into it. They deliberately exposed themselves to unwanted thoughts to desensitize themselves to uncomfortable emotional experiences. They believed that by facing the unpleasant head-on, they could become masters of finding comfort no matter what circumstances arose. This practice of embracing discomfort rather than resisting it also aligns with the idea of accepting and moving forward despite the presence of anxiety.
Taoism takes this further through the concept of ‘wu wei’, or effortless action. The Taoist text, Tao Te Ching teaches, “Do nothing, and nothing is left undone.” In it, this idea is likened to water flowing around obstacles without resistance, signifying that we find strength by moving with life’s currents rather than fighting them. When we stop trying to force anxiety away and instead allow it to pass naturally, we discover a quieter, steadier way to live and then are free to engage with the world around us, however we’d like to.
Across these traditions runs a shared thread: peace arises not from control, but from working with what life brings. The more we fight to eliminate anxiety, the more power it gains. But when we learn to move with it—to see it, name it, and continue forward anyway—it begins to loosen its grip.
Try This: A Simple Three-Step Practice
The next time you’re anxious, instead of trying to fight off the unwanted feeling or attempting to engage with your worry thoughts, try meeting what you’re going through with curiosity and choice. Here’s a simple way to start:
Notice: When anxiety shows up, name it and remember why it happens: “I’m having the feeling of anxiety. It’s my body’s warning system doing its thing.” This creates a pause and reminds you that you’re being hit with a dose of primitive survival juice that is uncomfortable but temporary.
Pause: We are often safe in the present moment. As such, try to make yourself psychologically open to the external experiences that are available to you. Don’t try to stop your thoughts but see if you can get out of your mind however possible. Look to identify the sounds around you or find a point of reference that catches your attention. This anchors you away from the spiraling thoughts of your inner experience and into the external world. Don’t worry if your worry thoughts remain, but avoid engaging with them.
Choose: Once you’ve done the previous steps, try to ask yourself, “What matters to me right now?” If anxiety weren’t running the show, what would I be doing? Would you like to connect with the person you’re with, pursue an interest, or just take in the world around you? Whatever you might want to be doing, see if you can move in a direction that feels fulfilling in the moment, even if anxiety tags along.
These steps won’t erase anxiety, but they can open space for experiences you’ve been missing because of your anxiety. Over time and with practice, you’ll get better at engaging with life in the way you prefer despite your feelings of anxiety. You’ll find that this new way of experiencing anxiety may make your worry thoughts and uncomfortable feelings not last as long (remember, though, this is just an added bonus).
A Quick Reminder Before You Go:
See anxiety as a signal, not a flaw. It’s your body’s ancient survival system at work, not a sign that you’re broken. Name it to tame it.
Embrace the flow, don’t fight it. Like water, let anxiety pass through you without resistance, using mindfulness to stay grounded in the present.
Choose your focus, even when it’s hard. Ask yourself what matters most and take small steps toward it, even if anxiety is along for the ride.
If this resonates and you're ready to change your relationship with anxiety, I offer in-person psychotherapy in downtown Jersey City and virtually throughout New Jersey. I invite you to get in touch if you'd like to explore working together.
