The Art of Unmaking Yourself Miserable: An Introduction to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy was developed by Albert Ellis and is steeped in Stoic philosophy (Ellis was, admittedly, a big fan). Early in his work, Ellis outlined the central principle that would inform much of his theoretical approach: it is largely our beliefs about events that determine how emotionally disturbed we become, not the events themselves. Referencing Epictetus, a well-known Stoic, Ellis noted: “Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them.”
Ellis eventually developed his ABC model (later updated to ABCDE) to capture how an individual’s beliefs about situations, events, and experiences contribute to their own emotional disturbance and any behavioral consequences that follow. As he put it: “You don’t get neurotic — you make yourself neurotic.” The ABC model is straightforward and worth knowing even if you’re not a fan of Ellis or his theory.
It goes:
An Activating Event (A) leads to our Belief (B) about that event, which produces a Consequence (C).
Think of the activating event as a trigger. The belief is our view of that event (often shaped by our own habitual ways of thinking). And the consequence is our emotional reaction and the behavior that follows.
Here’s what this looks like in practice:
If we wait in line for ice cream and our favorite flavor has run out by the time we’re next to order, we have a choice in how we respond. A flexible belief might sound like: “Damn, I wanted that. Oh well, what else have they got?” An irrational one might sound like: “They shouldn’t run out without putting up a sign. These guys are fucking with me. “ In the first case, you’re perturbed but still walk out with your second favorite scoop. In the second, you’re yelling at a 16-year-old, tossing sample spoons on the floor, and landing yourself on the banned list of your favorite ice cream shop.
We live in a society that makes it easy to spot an activating event and the consequences that follow. People often say things like “she made me so angry,” “I can’t believe you made me feel this way,” or “this is ruining my day.” But nestled between an event and the emotional or behavioral consequences are our beliefs. And when those go unexamined, we lose the opportunity to pause and ask ourselves an important question: what would I have to not care about for this to not have ruined my day?
In therapy, clinicians with an REBT orientation help clients identify rigid, extreme, or absolutist beliefs that may be getting in their own way, challenge them, and replace them with ones that serve them better.
Once you learn Ellis’s ABC model, you can’t help but notice it everywhere.
If you’re interested in learning more about REBT and Stoicism, here are a few resources worth checking out:
How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything — Yes, Anything! by Albert Ellis
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy: A Therapist’s Guide by Albert Ellis and Catharine MacLaren (for clinicians)
A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William B. Irvine
If you are a clinician interested in consultation or have thoughts on this piece, I would be glad to hear from you. If you are interested in exploring how your beliefs and thought patterns may be affecting your emotional life, I offer in-person therapy in downtown Jersey City and virtually throughout New Jersey.
